Looking back at 30

Introduction

One of the benefits of keeping this blog alive is that it compels me to write from time to time to capture my life progress. Reading my old posts always gives me that trip-down-to-memory-lane feels as I reflect on how my life went, how I felt at the time of writing, and how my thought process has been different then compared to now (this now will be relative in a couple of years). Essentially, I want to make it a point, even infrequently, to write to document my wins and losses in life. 

Tomorrow, it will be my birthday. I realized that the trend is that I would typically reflect on my birthday that leads me to writing my new blog post. I guess, this is another birthday reflection post. 

30^th

As I ponder deeper, I must say that by far, my 30^th year has been my favorite. It’s sentimental to let go of it because I knew that at 30, I’ve made risks in life that I never thought I would brave to take. My breakthroughs in life were not those decisions that I’ve thought through, but it were led by decisions that were brought by leap of faith. There were fears but infinite possibilities overpowered it.

August

I started my 30^th year with a major surgery—I had a hair transplant. Again, this operation was not a life aspiration, but it became a side thought until I convinced myself to do the surgery. In the past, I have bought hair growers to counter my receding hairline which is genetic. I thought to myself, if I am investing more than PhP 1,000 over hair grower oils, then why not save it up to have a hair transplant? In the long run, it’s more cost-efficient and sustainable. I don’t think I’ll be having kids in the future, so why not invest in myself?

Couple of months before my 30^th birthday, I’ve searched for a clinic that will do my surgery. I have a budget in my head, but I was hoping to find a clinic with more flexible payment method. Luckily, I found Pineda Hair Clinic (PHC) that offers a pretty convenient payment scheme—50% down payment, and the other 50% is payable for 20 months with zero interest! I knew I could pay for it (while keeping the mantra in my head that I should invest in myself).

Taking a selfie before the doctor tortures me with needles and stitches.

As of writing, I am actually proud of myself because my remaining balance is at PhP 5,500! Two more months, and I am finally over it. Honestly, the monthly payment was more painful than the physical pain inflicted by the surgery. Anyway, I am investing for my added confidence. If you want to know what they did to my hair. Watch how PHC did it here.

October

If Ron and I were to travel, to be brutal about it, Cagayan de Oro would be the last on our list. I had an unwelcome recollection of CDO. As I mature in life it hit me that at the end of the day, the beauty that the place has to offer has nothing to do with the person associated with it or how it has created an unwanted memory in my head. 

In October, not only Ron and I went to CDO, but we were joined with my mom and Jem, my niece. At the time, there was a typhoon. After we have landed in CDO, flights in Manila started to get cancelled. Probably, luck was still on our side (or just so we thought). From CDO, we need to ride a ferry to reach Camiguin. Due to strong winds, transfers were cancelled for our scheduled trip. I was thinking that maybe Camiguin smelled that I didn’t like it, so it made a choice for itself by throwing big waves in the sea and strong winds in the sky! Since I was already in CDO, my mindset was that, I should replace my memory of CDO and Camiguin with better ones. I paid for this trip, might as well make the most out of it.

The following day, the sun did show up, and the sea was calmer. Perhaps Camiguin sensed that my intention was pure. Camiguin offered fresh seafood, and the sandbar of the island was a majesty. Ron and I also did snorkel. It’s marine life was so alive. It’s ashamed that at that time, Ron and I have not taken freediving seriously. We could’ve gotten astounding shots! 

Sunset at Sunken Cemetery, Catarman, Camiguin

After Camiguin, we went to Bukidnon, where we rode the longest zipline. It was adventurous, fun, and exciting!

December

We went to Cebu together with Ron’s classmates where we did canyoneering. It was exhausting to jump from one cliff to another, but I felt the rush in my body. I did try all the cliff diving points—including those that were not “required” by the guide. 

In one of the books that I’ve read, if my memory serves me right it’s the Power of Now by Eckhart Toll, it says that humans feel more alive when doing extreme activities because it makes humans savor the moment—instead of thinking about the past and the future.

This trip was one of a kind, because almost every day, we would wake up at 3AM to travel from Point A to Point B. The itinerary was a kill-joy knowing we have to control ourselves with alcohol. God knows how much the people in the group would want to chug that bottle of tequila every night! 

This trip allowed me to meet-and-greet the whale sharks in Oslob. I also had my first unofficial freedive in an open sea in Moalboal, where the strong current made my tummy full with salt water. 

Freediving at Moalboal, Cebu

February

I had a wisdom tooth extraction this month, and I think it’s been a long time coming. Back in 2014, when I was still a medical representative stationed at UST Hospital, I scheduled an appointment at a dental clinic. It was easy to access dental clinics in the area, knowing that it’s close to a major hospital. For some reason, it did not push through—maybe I got scared, or I was hesitant to do the surgery because I didn’t want to go on leave. I don’t know. 

This time, it was very casual and random when I told myself that I’ll do it for real. Perhaps I got annoyed that bits of food always get stuck between my teeth. Mind you, regular wooden toothpick won’t do its magic, it has to be the slim plastic toothpick so it can get through between my teeth. To me, enough is enough (wow)! And so I did it.

When my dentist was done with the operation, she said that I was the fastest that she operated because I was the most behaved (I should be awarded for this!). I don’t know, maybe I just liked the idea of pain inflicted on me. While on it, I was sensing if what I was feeling was pain, because somehow, I found pleasure feeling it. Physical pain is not as tricky as emotional pain. Emotional pain confuses me—I am unsure whether I should feel pain or not. It’s probably one of the reasons why after the hair transplant, I sought for another operation. I was testing out my pain threshold, and I was convincing myself that I can bear any physical pain brought by medical operations. Maybe I need help?

Anyway! My dentist said that it was good that I’ve decided to have the tooth extracted, since it’s starting to get decomposed. Eww as it may seem, maybe it was actually starting to hurt, but since I have high tolerance for pain, I wasn’t bothered by it. 

Doing the surgery was both a relief and an investment. Honestly, I should’ve done it before when it only costed PhP 8,000, because the value of it now was PhP 17,500! That’s what inflation does! Good thing I reimbursed it through my medical health card. Still grateful for my organization.

March

The month of March was about building my connection with my inner self through yoga sessions. I have always wanted to enroll in a yoga class, but my bills have been limiting me. I’ll probably enroll once I am done with my hair transplant—in two months? For now, I’ll say yes to free sessions!

Patty, my former officemate from Children’s Hour, invited me attend 108 Sun salutations with sound healing in Makati. She convinced me that these were basic yoga poses, since my body will snap if these were hard ones. 

I thought yoga was easier compared to weightlifting, but I think it’s at par. Gosh, I can feel the tension on my muscles as we did the basic yoga moves 108 times. Just to share, 108 is a significant number because 1 represents one’s self, 0 means being empty, and 8 is infinity or connection with the divine (unsure if I remembered it correctly for number 8). This session was accompanied by a sound healing. It was refreshing to reconnect with my spirit. 

Every time we get ourselves out to the “real world” we are exposed to different energies that tend to harm our body and mind, so reconnecting to our spirit, through meditation or yoga, brings us back to our essence. 

Apart from this 108 Sun salutations, I got another invite from Patty to attend an oil festival event where there were yoga session, tarot reading, etc. This time, we tagged Tin, my former supervisor from Children’s Hour, with us. For this session, I got a free card reading from a Taiwanese clairvoyant. From a deck of card, she asked me to select three cards. Before I picked my cards I whispered, “OK universe, speak to me now.” 

Here’s her interpretation highlights, ladies and gentlemen: 

• I do not know what I want;
• Just because I couldn’t find anyone, doesn’t mean I should settle;
• If I receive praises from people, I don’t usually acknowledge it;
• I’ll know if something is for me if it feels like mornings—calm, relaxing, and at peace.

I do not want to confirm all these, but maybe my subconscious mind speaks truth of it, somehow.  

March

Still in March, Ron, mommy, and I went to Japan! My Bedan friends also joined the trip. Japan was the best. We went to Osaka, Tokyo, and Kyoto.

Goofing around at Osaka, Japan

April

We (colleagues at IOM) went to Thailand for work. Our travel to Thailand was perfect timing because it was Songkran—a water festival that marks the beginning of the traditional Thai new year. With our luggage with us, we were not ready to get wet, but once we have changed clothes we were ready to fight on! Sorry Thais, you messed up with the wrong crowd. It was super fun because we were splashing water randomly to each other and strangers. I did not spare mercy on kids, as I splashed them with water. 

Enjoying Songkran at Bangkok, Thailand

One of the highlights of this trip was when we tried marijuana, since it’s legal in Thailand. Its effect on me was weak since we just shared a brownie with only a few grams of marijuana in it. Others, apart from the brownie, tried to puff stronger herbs. That night was full of PBB drama, and I was thankful that I was sane enough to remember that Monica and Dain cried. 

May

Probably one of the biggest decisions I’ve made for myself: to move out. I’ve always wanted to move out from my parents’ house, but I guess I was really afraid to do so because again, financially, it’s not that easy. It’s probably the reason why I was blaming Ron to move out with me because I needed a security that someone is doing it with me. I felt like I was forcing connection in doing so. In one of Ron and I’s conversations in Japan, he said that I’m the risk-taker between the two of us, so might as well do it first, before he joins me. I was challenged to do it on my own, so it instilled in my head that I should do it wholeheartedly. (Honestly, the more that I am challenged, the more that I am encouraged to execute a thing.) It occurred to me that no one will save my ass, at the end of the day, but myself. 

Funny, in May 2021, I was super pissed of the noise at home that I couldn’t sleep and I wrote a note on my phone, “Makakalaya rin ako.” I knew I was referring to moving out to have my own quiet place. Fast forward to years after, in the same month, I started to invest for my own space. It has been a discovery of one’s self and it is such a bliss to find solitude in isolation. Everything has been falling into place—except for my internet signal at home which has been super slow. Unsure, it was probably because of the location. More of self-discovery stories soon!

July

I auditioned for the Worship Ministry at the Feast! 

When they made a call, I was totally indecisive. I did not think I was cut out for it. Every time I sing along with my siblings, I feel like I was the least talented. When people ask me, do you sing? I would say, “Sa CR lang.” I’m used to having the dipper and the pail as my audience. I don’t think my voice should be heard on the stage. 

But then, I made a promise to God that if someone invited me to audition, I will take it as a sign to audition. Gosh, I was so never to audition with my pieces as Still and This I Believe  by Hillsong. I knew that my first song, Still, was shaky and pitchy. So I gave it my all when Kuya Sony, the keyboardist, asked me to sing my second song, This I Believe. A couple of weeks after, I received a message from Olei that I made it to the Worship Ministry. What a way to validate that I could actually sing! Haha!

Random photo taken at the Feast Makati Legaspi

---

My 30^th year has really been my favorite, more than anything else. It was unpacking trauma, life challenges, and taking leap of faith. To be honest, there are more stories to tell, but I am keeping some things more privately. I must say that as I move to a new chapter of my life, I am more mindful and braver to take risks. Cheers to my fellow risk-takers!

To Pangs

Dear Pangs,

It’s been almost two months since our 10th anniversary. I’ve realized that I have not sent you a love note when I would usually do every anniversary. I knew that we’ve got busy with a lot of things on our special day—on the same day, we celebrated the birthday of Kat, my cousin and your classmate, with the rest of your college friends; the following day, we had to attend the 1st birthday of your godchild, Kiel. Only after these packed events, we really got to celebrate our decade of love (and hate).

Looking back, it occurred to me that we’ve been through a lot (I mean come on, it’s a decade of togetherness!)—we’ve gone through many places, we have said the nicest words to each other and have inflicted awful ones, we have reached opportunities together, we have also foregone ones.

With all these, I am making a short list (weh?) of why I am thankful of you:

1. Thank you for making me believe that there is perfect timing for everything. I’d like to think that our love story was kismet.

a. Back in high school, various schools participated in a sports competition that was hosted by our school. I remembered our volleyball team competed with a team wearing pink jerseys. When our server threw a powerful spike, one guy from the pink team dove trying to scoop the ball. I did not remember who the guy was. Later on, you told me that your school competed with our volleyball team and you were part of those kakampinks. I even found a photo of you wearing the pink jersey with your HS classmates. If I could turn back time, I’d like to verify if it was you who hit the ground. Interesting.

b. In a Marketing org party, I saw you left with your bestfriend, Mack. Mack was my orgmate from a different school. I have no idea who you were, but my memory was kinda sharp, so I remembered you looked back on me when Mack gestured something to you. I was a little tipsy but you were wearing a gray polo (which you handed down to me now since it doesn’t fit you anymore, see??). We were never introduced, still.

c. At the time you lost Jeona, your girlfriend, to dengue, I was texting Mack. He told me that you were Jeo’s boyfriend, and showed me a picture of you with Jeo. I was not emotionally invested in you then, but I hoped that you recover from the pain. Again, I only knew you through stories.

d. Once, you saw me on the bus going to Ayala. Another was when we were in the same van going home from Ortigas. (Made sense since I had my internship in Ortigas.) Despite being unaccompanied, you did not muster to start a small chat that would finally introduce us to each other.

We had so many instances to meet early on, but our official meeting was just very timely. I was ready, you were ready; at the right time, at the right place.

So whenever I get frustrated or experience delays in life, I always look back to our story and find solitude that God is creating the best life for us—for everyone.

2. Thank you for teaching me how to be adventurous. It’s not that I’m not fond of traveling. It’s just that to me, I saw traveling as a reward after achieving something grand. Otherwise, it’s just an expense. But your arrival deconstructed how I view traveling. Whether I achieve something or not, I deserve to see the wonders of the world. Immerse in a culture. Scream at the top of my lungs to extreme rides and daring exhibits.

3. Thank you for being vulnerable and honest (and for encouraging me to be one). Being open to your past takes a lot of courage, and you dared to share it to me—no holds barred.

Honestly, whenever I get into a relationship, which was not a lot, I tend to dodge discussions about the past. I felt like my insecurity and negative thoughts would eat me alive. But you making confessions to me somehow created a safe space between us. I knew that when you unmasked, it was an invitation to be open to you, as well.

It was difficult to show my vulnerability and the real me, and I don’t think there’s anyone who’s seen this side of me apart from God. But I was relieved that it was you whom I get to share my other self with. I’d like to believe that my deepest, darkest secrets and thoughts are secured, oh my gosh. Haha! This environment that you set, sustained our faith in each other—ultimately, our trust (wow, big word!).

4. Thank you for introducing me to your wonderful family. I’ve always envisioned myself to be part of my partner’s family—to be in one frame with them, to be welcomed, to belong, to be accepted. You have a loving, diverse, and pleasant family members, and I’m glad to be part of it.

5. Thank you for respecting our individuality. You know we are like day and night. As in we are total opposites when it comes to our thoughts, wants, spirituality, decisions in life, etc. I’m just so glad that we are aligned when we cheered for VP Leni. My gosh, Ron, I swore I would have denounced you as my partner if you went red. Grr.

I’m happy that there are still things that would define us as individuals. For instance, you do not like yoga meditation or going to the Feast. I understand that it would be great if we have the same intensity when it comes to faith and spirituality, but then I realized what else do we talk about in our relationship if we do the same things together? How do we debate on things if we are both white or black?

To me, I see it as an opportunity and an inspiration to grow together with diverse perspectives in life. It only goes to show that we can live with each other’s differences, as long as it’s founded by reverence.

Ron, there are infinite possibilities, and I am not sure if, you know, we will end up with each other until the very end. But I just wanted to let you know that while writing this, I have nothing but love and gratitude towards you. I mean we have our crying moments (mostly you, tbh), but my memory of you equates to happiness. I might be angry with you in the future or curse you, I don’t know, but may this post remind me that you have imparted me life lessons that define who I am now and who I might become in the future.

Mama Dory

In 2019, I’ve written in my blog how Mama Dory, Ron’s mom, has been treating me with indifference, only because I’m in love with her son. But I guess Mama Dory has been loosening up little by little comprehending that at the end of the day, Ron is still her own son who is kind, diligent, and a good provider to his family.

The shift

Once, when Ron and I were eating at the dining table in their house, Mama Dory suddenly passed by. I had a feeling that she was stunned that our path had crossed, since she has been evading me whenever I sleepover on weekends. For the lack of choice to retreat and use the backdoor, she proceeded to pass through our side.

Despite knowing that she already ate, I invited her to eat because it’s proper and innate for us Filipinos, “Tita, kain po tayo.”

(In Ron’s house, it has become a customary that we eat after Ron’s parents, not because we do not want to eat with them, but because there are only three seats available in the table. Definitely, someone will be left out if all four go eat together. So much explanation over there!)

Unexpected, she replied, “Sige, tapos na.”

It was flat and impassive, but still, it was a response! Words just came out of her mouth! She finally talked when she would only keep silent when I greet her a good morning!

Astonished, Ron and I looked at each other knowing that it was a win.

After lunch, I still had my hangover. I informed Ron how elated I was for that response, and that it was enough to sustain my patience for 10 more years.

–

Another instance was when I had to go down from Ron’s room to move (you know, call of nature that you cannot contain even when you deep meditate). It was 10-ish in the morning, and I knew that going down at this time would mean that Mama Dory and I’s path would certainly intersect. But call of nature was stronger and cannot be ignored! I begged Ron to accompany me to stay away from the awkwardness.

When I was descending from the stairs, she was in the kitchen cooking meals. I was trying to compose myself despite my internal discomfort, “Good morning, Tita!”

I was prepared to be disregarded, but at that point, I did not bother since what was inside me was all the mattered. However, she looked at the mirror pinned on the kitchen wall and looked at me as she returned, “Good morning!” I swore, we made an eye contact!

Again, I glanced at Ron and communicated through our eyes—another small win!

I could not get over it that even in the car going to the mall, I would recall over and over to Ron how his mom greeted me and stared at each other. I even told him that his mom has been changing for good towards us, gradually.  

Her birthday

Ron and I were talking about her upcoming birthday in September. We were thinking of a gift that would appease her. Ron recommended to give her two cans of Red Horse. In my head, ff Red Horse would delight her, I should give her a case of Red Horse instead of two cans.

When September was approaching, I messaged Mama Dory through Facebook Messenger, “Tita, September na. Malapit na birthday niyo! God bless!”

She replied, “Regalo ko.”

“Red horse, Tita. 😊”

“Ayoko non.”

“Sabi kasi ni Ron, Tita, Red Horse daw. Haha!”

She stopped replying. I told Ron that Red Horse was a bad idea, and that it would even draw me away from Mama Do. Ugh!

Days before her birthday, I told Ron that I already knew what to give to her mom—a bag!

I decided to look for a nice bag at the mall in Makati. It was difficult for me to choose a bag, since I do not have a sense of taste for fashion. The bags might come in different colors and sizes on the shelves, but to me it looked the same! At the end of the day, I realized that it will serve the same purpose—to carry someone’s valuables. But again, this was Mama Do—for Mama Do.

I sent an SOS to Ron, and has been sending him photos of the bags. Maybe he would have some ideas of what her mom would likely to adore.

I continued looking until I chanced upon this black bag that was on display. As I said, I don’t have a sense of fashion, but something inside me spoke that this bag was the one for her.

(The bag that spoke to my soul!)

I sent it to Ron. Tested it on a sales lady to check whether its appealing. Eventually, I received the clearance from Ron; it was good to go.

On my way home, I held the bag so tight and close to me. I prayed to God that more than this bag, I was hoping that Mama Do would see that my intention towards her son was pure, and that all I wanted was to be part of their family.

I almost cried until I realized that I was on the jeep, and it would be a scene if they see someone crying and assumed that I was tired of my daily commute. Anyway, I knew that my feelings were coming from a place of love.

When I went home, I put the bag in a nice paper bag. But I felt that a piece was missing—a letter.

I decided to write a letter to her, eager that my words would affect her. I ended up with a two-pager letter—at least an abridged version of all the things that I wanted to tell her. I just did one revision of the letter, so as not to lose its message.

Writing the letter, I said to myself, “Ilalaban ko na ang relasyon namin dito. Bahala na, Lord. Do or die na ito.”

Again, I made another prayer, before I slipped it in one of the pockets of the bag where I would ensure she would notice. My faith in God has been significantly increasing!

The following day, I booked a Grab to send the gift to Mama Do. I did not want to overthink as to how she would react—no expectations of acceptance or anything. I have said my piece in the letter, thereafter, it will be up to her.

A couple of hours after I sent the bag, I received a notification from her through Facebook Messenger, “Thank you sa gift. Like na like ko. God bless!”

The following day, Ron sent me a photo of her mom carrying the bag that I gave her.

(Mama Dory going to work and using the bag I gave her on her birthday.)

Everything was moving in fast motion that I needed to pinch myself to see if I’m aligned with reality, was this real?

If this was a scene in Crazy Rich Asian, this was when Eleanor Young handed the heirloom ring to Rachel Chu signifying Eleanor’s approval of Rachel’s addition to the Young family.  

To me, Mama Dory using the bag was a clear and loud message—an invitation to belong, an acceptance. 

–

Joyce Pring said that, oftentimes, we wanted things to be instant without realizing that some things should be earned to win it over. She was absolutely correct. In this journey towards Mama Do’s acceptance, I have learned to pursue, with the right amount of patience, intent, and faith.

Finding my why

Towards the end of 2021, my supervisor asked me of my plans come 2022. I told her that I haven’t really thought about it yet since I needed time to reflect on it. We were working day and night—since we were training suppliers from western countries—for the past months, and it was better to rest than to think if the things we’ve been doing were aligned to my “why” or if I still wanted to do this in 2022.

When I had the time to reflect (really reflect) on it, I realized I should stop asking myself if this is my “why”, since my/our “why” changes overtime thru pivotal events.

Instead, I should be asking myself these questions:

“Is what I am doing making a difference? Is it contributing to a larger cause? Are my values parallel with my colleagues’ and organization’s?” If the answer to each is yes, then I should just go on—even when it doesn’t make sense.

As a control freak and a planner, this approach is a complete contrary. But I’ve learned to trust the process and embrace infinite possibilities—a silver lining the pandemic has taught me.

I also reminded myself that ever since, my prayer has been so generic but purposeful:

“Lord, let me use my skills and knowledge to where it is most needed. Make me an instrument to lift others.”

So in 2022, i’ll carry on and keep doing what I’m doing—but i’ll be more intentional about it.

Sabi nga ni VP Leni, “Kung nasaan tayo ngayon, ito ang tinadhana sa’tin.”

COVID Positive

I tested positive to COVID-19. I learned this on Wednesday, August 25, 2021.

Timeline

Over the weekend, I’ve felt the symptoms.

On Friday, August 20, I had body pains with light headache. I convinced myself that it was nothing serious because I knew that my body would not fail me. I eat healthy, I skip sweets, and I exercise at least twice or thrice a week. I ensure that I always pump my immune system. I even do yoga meditation once a week making sure that my body and mind’s vibration is always stable to fight the virus.

On Saturday, August 21, I had colds with nasal congestion. Body pains and headache were eliminated. I thought there was progress. I drowned myself with tea, broth, and water. I also did stretching to make sure that the blood was flowing, and to increase my breathing rhythm.

It was a blessing in disguise when I was experiencing these symptoms, my family members went out to Novaliches to stay in my brother’s pad. I decided to stay at home because I did not want the kids to get exposed to me.

On Sunday, August 22, I had colds, nasal congestion, and I felt feverish. I was convincing myself that it was not fever, but my mom insisted that I should take Bioflu. I thought I just needed an extra hour of sleep to fully recover.

On Monday, August 23, I loss my senses. No sense of smell. No sense of taste. I inhaled the normally strong scented ointment, but that moment, it was flat. I inhaled the air freshener in the restroom, but it frustrated me. I tried to smell the Belo sunscreen which I found fragrant, but it was smell-less. By then, I knew there was something wrong with my body. I raised the white flag and declared that my body was not after all invincible—just like Superman with its kryptonite.

I alerted my mom about my situation. After that, everything in the house was in whirlwind. They asked me to isolate, and so I took the biggest room. Fortunately, it has huge windows, its own restroom, and spacious, as if it was totally built as an isolation room. Everyone in the house panicked, but everyone was proactive to move things efficiently in the house, and rules were laid down to make sure that nobody else gets infected by me.  

I called my friends where I can get tested the following day to confirm if it was COVID. I was praying and hoping that it was not; although, at the back of my head, I was conditioning myself to expect for the worst. Yoga meditation prepared me to be mentally prepared for this, anyway.

That night, my mom gatecrashed in my room despite my supposed isolation. She was blessing me and chanting, “In Jesus’ Name, you will be healed.” She would shout, “Until death do us apart.” I was not panicking, but she scared me a little. She was rubbing my back and asked me not to be anxious about it, I told her I was not. She asked if I had any difficulty in breathing, but I responded that I can breathe normally.

The following day, Tuesday, August 24, 2021, I still loss my senses, and had nasal congestion. On this day, I was scheduled for antigen and RT PCR tests. I tested positive to antigen, but the med tech said that even a common flu would be detected by the antigen test. Therefore, the RT PCR was more accurate. The result would be available after 24 hours. It was a long wait for a matter of death and life—but the antigen test somehow acclimatized my mind that I would test positive to the RT PCR test.

On Wednesday, August 25, 2021, I confirmed that I was positive to COVID, via RT PCR test. People in the house started to meltdown because they were exposed to me. They decided to take the antigen test.

My anxiety skyrocketed thinking that another family member might test positive to COVID. I thought about my niece whom I shared room with. I thought about my mom who slept beside me the day before I tested positive to COVID.

All these events happening in the house coincided as I transition in my new work. Apparently, it was my first week at work. My supervisor, Marion was kind enough to tell me to take a break and to not mind my deliverables for the week. But I insisted that I can work. Get me a seat side-by-side with Jose Rizal, please!

On a serious note, a lot of things have been happening in between, so I asked my prayer group to pray with me and for my family on that same day. I was at the verge of breaking down in front of my laptop, but there’s work to do so I choked back my tears and proceeded to work. Distraction, I needed that.

In the afternoon, we have the result of their antigen already—surprisingly, all were negative! I just prayed to God to thank Him at that very moment; I knew it was His doing. Even more, I recovered my sense of smell on that same day! I just prayed for my family’s safety, but God was being extra.

As of this writing, I am on my 7^th day under quarantine. I’m not fully recovered yet because I still have weak sense of smell. I need to sniff on things for me to determine a scent. I also have little sense of taste. My taste is not flat anymore, but my palate can only taste generic flavor of sweet, sour, and salty. In general, I have regained my strength, and I am moving my way towards recovery.

Hopefully, my next RT PCR test, scheduled on September 8, would be negative already.

Thank you

I want to thank my mom for her untiring care for me. She serves me healthy meals everyday. She even cleaned my bathroom once, because the floor was getting yellow. Okay, I was not built to be a home buddy, but trust me I am diligent at work. My officemates can attest to that.

I want to thank my dad for always being pushy to me to take meds, although I refused him multiple times. I just did not want to self-medicate considering that there’s no prescription. I might harm my liver. But thanks, dad! I understand that you just wanted to help me heal faster. Also, I believe that our body has its own healing mechanism, so I just let my antibodies fight the virus. But of course, please get vaccinated—the virus is true! In case you’re wondering, I’m fully vaccinated.

I thank the members of my family for the big adjustment they have to deal with, considering my isolation.

To Ron, thank you. Just by being on my side all the time is already a blessing.

I thank my officemates from ASMAE—ate Flor, Ms. Lehn, sir Mike, ate Van, Christy, Raymond—for checking on me. Ate Flor was fervent to pray for me despite her busy schedule.

Thanks to my Children’s Hour family—ate Ovy, Erick, Patty, Tita K, for sending prayers. Ate Ovy was also sending me private and comforting messages all the time since the time she knew I tested positive.

I thank my best friend, Tin Caballa who prayed for me, and who made me realize how life should be treated. She shared that she has an officemate who was loyal, was hard working, and has dedicated his life to the company. This staffer was a frontliner of the organization picking and delivering items. Unfortunately, he succumbed to the virus. The next thing Tin knew, the staffer’s position was advertised online. If there’s a choice between work or life, it should always be life.

To Tin Dianne, who kept praying for me, thank you. Thank you for always checking on me.

To my friends—Caloy, Rev, Hazel, Mark, Kyle, Yen, Kookai—thank you for your presence. Your laughs, jokes, and mere presence were by itself a form of healing to me.

To my new officemates, thank you Monica, for reaching out to your friends for my antigen test. Thank you Mark, for letting me know how to access the health benefits in our office. Thank you Marion, for being patient to me, and for endorsing me to the Occupational Health Unit of our organization. You were very helpful and kind to me even on my first week, despite the bunch of work we need to deliver.

To my intercessory group at the Feast Makati Legaspi, thank you for praying with me. I knew our communal prayers can really make a big difference in the lives of the people. I’ve been a witness to this act.

Above all, thank you, God!